Power Struggle

I thought about all the things you and I could do before we even met.
I tasted your lips a hundred times,
I watched you say I love you a million times,
I felt you fingering me in the movie theatre,
As you sucked on my neck,
told me to be quiet and watch the movie.
You always had a way of exciting me to the fullest.
You always had a way of driving me crazy.
You and I was a power struggle.
One that I wouldn’t mind reliving.
These moments and memories,
Those wondrous fulfilled times.
Sometimes I almost wish I didn’t make the decisions that took love from my life.
Sometimes my body aches for your touch, your smile, your fingers inside me deeply, your whispers in my ears,
And the strongest thought in my mind that you loved me in those moments and no one else.

uncertainty

There’s a reason why I cry every time I look at you

It’s because I want to be mad at God,

Because I want to blame him for this,

Because I want to blame my Mom

Say this is all her fault

Because I want to blame

The guy I trusted enough to call him Dad.

I cry because I know I can’t.

I know I can’t blame God

Because this isn't his fault.

He didn't do this to me.

I did.

He’s just trying to help me

Help me cope with this.

I can’t blame my Mom

Because she might not be the best,

But she’s doing her best.

She’s giving me all that she never had.

I just need to accept her as she is,

And love her unconditionally for

Always trying.

I can’t blame Dad,

Because he’s just trying to help me.

He’s trying to replace the Dad that he knows I want

The Dad he feels like I yearn for.

Their all just trying to fit

Into my broken heart,

And make it whole.

I cry because as much I’m happy to be here

With you, in all this peacefulness

I hate it because I have no certainty that you want me here

I hate it because I can’t accept the fact that maybe you do.

I cry because that uncertainty haunts me.

Wishing

I was told that life is hard
I really wished someone said some parts were easy.

I wish it was easy to go home
To smell your scent in my sheets
To remember your rentless nights
To feel your body on mine
To hug you
without turning to tears.

I wish it was easy to forget
the months, the years I spent
waiting to be yours
waiting to touch your lips
waiting to call you mine.

I wish it was easy to remember things about you
Like when you touch me
The way your always twenty Minutes early
The way you think of everything
The way you say if your head wasn't on I'd remember everything
How extremely quiet you get when your upset that its scary

I wish this was easy for both of us.
But you can't always have what you want in life
cause life is suppose to be hard
and pain demands to bbe felt.

I wish it was easy for me to accept that in a  of couple months you won't need me...

I'm just being foolish trying to fight.it.

Things I can't give you

I love you....
please don't get me wrong
I know what I want & what I want is you...

The thing is we live in this world
A world that brands our love forbidden
& as much as I want to
I know I can't.

So I bury our love
my feelings for you
and my most deepest desires
to the bottom of my heart

In this cruel world
I wouldn't dare to love again
It could never be right
in anyone sight.

I know you want more from me
more than words
more than thoughts
You want me
the permission to say I'm yours
My lips before you go to sleep

I'm sorry...
I can't deliever...

Self Control

I'll love you forever,
I guess its all my fault
because I can never give you what you want,
What you want is me
We decided this was the best thing
The best thing for you and me

You lay beside me
I try I try
To resist the urge
the Urge to kiss you
to pull you're shirt off and continue
I tried to make it just an Innocent hug
One that we could pull apart easily
and it just be a hug

I scream in my head
God please help the thoughts
Satan get away and don't make me think like this
Stop convincing my mind that I need this
God tell him to stop
He's not making this very easy...



I always warned you
about not wearing clothes around me
It always makes me so tempted...
its easy for me to fall back
into what we once where
and we both know that can never be

You nipple lies lies right in my view
I want to put my lips on it
I really do...

I know you can feel me
going closer
breathing harder
fighting with God and Satan
trying to resist the urge
and daring myself to do it...

I kiss your sides slowly,
Bite you out of frustration

You move,
its time to get up you say,
I lay there, silent
and without words
I thank god I didn't do it
and Apologize for even thinking of doing it

You say no licking my nipples
cause you know you want to
I'm positive
You wanted me to do it too

But you're right...
You always had more
Self control...

Our own Cat & Mouse Game

I really don't understand us
this back & forth coming & going...
I guess we really are playing games in repetitive cycles

maybe its just a lesbian thing
fuck that..its just an us thing.
One night you want to fuck me the next minute I'm just your friend & its wrong...

Two seconds later I'm your babe & you want to travel the world with me
fuck this shit gets complicated fast...

Lemme stop..your not the only one
writing poems poking fun..
or is it all a part of fitting into the twisted game
the game of you catch me then I run

Maybe its a way to quench both our thirst
and satisfy our hunger
cause if you were here
I'd fuck you already...better than that we'd make love under the moonlight
and while my tongue roam your insides I'll tell God I'm sorry

Shit its a fucked up game were playing...
the thing about this game is...
I like the challenge
& I'm addicted to the fun

What do you say?. Wanna play?.
Our own little Cat & mouse game.

Poetry at it's best...

I've been reading a lot of poetry lately, and they all make me think of you
They all make me think of your eyes,
your lips,
the way your body just relaxes when you sleep,
the way you snore after a good hand massage to your back after a long day at work,


I'm struggling to find happiness in this bullshit,
and yea I said bullshit.
cause that's what it is
Bullshit.

I remember the day you told me, I will get to hear you cry and when I do it will be be from your soul;
Well I've heard your soul cry, and it sucks
it sucks to hear as your lungs cave in & you exhale deep breathes, and try your best not to make an ugly face
Gosh your such a girl..
I hate the way you say things silently as you cry and I can't hear.
It makes me so mad, because these are the moments I value the most
These are moments that make or break me


I love you
I love you so much
and not like I love you it hurts,
Like I love you so much that it takes time and energy to say it,
like I think about the reasons why I love you each time before I say it
my chest craves in, and my lungs fight for air, and my lips form the words
so perfectly that it lingers in the air, and I exhale the breathes I held to let you know
How much I truly truly love you
love you....