uncertainty

There’s a reason why I cry every time I look at you

It’s because I want to be mad at God,

Because I want to blame him for this,

Because I want to blame my Mom

Say this is all her fault

Because I want to blame

The guy I trusted enough to call him Dad.

I cry because I know I can’t.

I know I can’t blame God

Because this isn't his fault.

He didn't do this to me.

I did.

He’s just trying to help me

Help me cope with this.

I can’t blame my Mom

Because she might not be the best,

But she’s doing her best.

She’s giving me all that she never had.

I just need to accept her as she is,

And love her unconditionally for

Always trying.

I can’t blame Dad,

Because he’s just trying to help me.

He’s trying to replace the Dad that he knows I want

The Dad he feels like I yearn for.

Their all just trying to fit

Into my broken heart,

And make it whole.

I cry because as much I’m happy to be here

With you, in all this peacefulness

I hate it because I have no certainty that you want me here

I hate it because I can’t accept the fact that maybe you do.

I cry because that uncertainty haunts me.