uncertainty

There’s a reason why I cry every time I look at you

It’s because I want to be mad at God,

Because I want to blame him for this,

Because I want to blame my Mom

Say this is all her fault

Because I want to blame

The guy I trusted enough to call him Dad.

I cry because I know I can’t.

I know I can’t blame God

Because this isn't his fault.

He didn't do this to me.

I did.

He’s just trying to help me

Help me cope with this.

I can’t blame my Mom

Because she might not be the best,

But she’s doing her best.

She’s giving me all that she never had.

I just need to accept her as she is,

And love her unconditionally for

Always trying.

I can’t blame Dad,

Because he’s just trying to help me.

He’s trying to replace the Dad that he knows I want

The Dad he feels like I yearn for.

Their all just trying to fit

Into my broken heart,

And make it whole.

I cry because as much I’m happy to be here

With you, in all this peacefulness

I hate it because I have no certainty that you want me here

I hate it because I can’t accept the fact that maybe you do.

I cry because that uncertainty haunts me.

Wishing

I was told that life is hard
I really wished someone said some parts were easy.

I wish it was easy to go home
To smell your scent in my sheets
To remember your rentless nights
To feel your body on mine
To hug you
without turning to tears.

I wish it was easy to forget
the months, the years I spent
waiting to be yours
waiting to touch your lips
waiting to call you mine.

I wish it was easy to remember things about you
Like when you touch me
The way your always twenty Minutes early
The way you think of everything
The way you say if your head wasn't on I'd remember everything
How extremely quiet you get when your upset that its scary

I wish this was easy for both of us.
But you can't always have what you want in life
cause life is suppose to be hard
and pain demands to bbe felt.

I wish it was easy for me to accept that in a  of couple months you won't need me...

I'm just being foolish trying to fight.it.