Things I can't give you

I love you....
please don't get me wrong
I know what I want & what I want is you...

The thing is we live in this world
A world that brands our love forbidden
& as much as I want to
I know I can't.

So I bury our love
my feelings for you
and my most deepest desires
to the bottom of my heart

In this cruel world
I wouldn't dare to love again
It could never be right
in anyone sight.

I know you want more from me
more than words
more than thoughts
You want me
the permission to say I'm yours
My lips before you go to sleep

I'm sorry...
I can't deliever...

Self Control

I'll love you forever,
I guess its all my fault
because I can never give you what you want,
What you want is me
We decided this was the best thing
The best thing for you and me

You lay beside me
I try I try
To resist the urge
the Urge to kiss you
to pull you're shirt off and continue
I tried to make it just an Innocent hug
One that we could pull apart easily
and it just be a hug

I scream in my head
God please help the thoughts
Satan get away and don't make me think like this
Stop convincing my mind that I need this
God tell him to stop
He's not making this very easy...



I always warned you
about not wearing clothes around me
It always makes me so tempted...
its easy for me to fall back
into what we once where
and we both know that can never be

You nipple lies lies right in my view
I want to put my lips on it
I really do...

I know you can feel me
going closer
breathing harder
fighting with God and Satan
trying to resist the urge
and daring myself to do it...

I kiss your sides slowly,
Bite you out of frustration

You move,
its time to get up you say,
I lay there, silent
and without words
I thank god I didn't do it
and Apologize for even thinking of doing it

You say no licking my nipples
cause you know you want to
I'm positive
You wanted me to do it too

But you're right...
You always had more
Self control...

Our own Cat & Mouse Game

I really don't understand us
this back & forth coming & going...
I guess we really are playing games in repetitive cycles

maybe its just a lesbian thing
fuck that..its just an us thing.
One night you want to fuck me the next minute I'm just your friend & its wrong...

Two seconds later I'm your babe & you want to travel the world with me
fuck this shit gets complicated fast...

Lemme stop..your not the only one
writing poems poking fun..
or is it all a part of fitting into the twisted game
the game of you catch me then I run

Maybe its a way to quench both our thirst
and satisfy our hunger
cause if you were here
I'd fuck you already...better than that we'd make love under the moonlight
and while my tongue roam your insides I'll tell God I'm sorry

Shit its a fucked up game were playing...
the thing about this game is...
I like the challenge
& I'm addicted to the fun

What do you say?. Wanna play?.
Our own little Cat & mouse game.

Poetry at it's best...

I've been reading a lot of poetry lately, and they all make me think of you
They all make me think of your eyes,
your lips,
the way your body just relaxes when you sleep,
the way you snore after a good hand massage to your back after a long day at work,


I'm struggling to find happiness in this bullshit,
and yea I said bullshit.
cause that's what it is
Bullshit.

I remember the day you told me, I will get to hear you cry and when I do it will be be from your soul;
Well I've heard your soul cry, and it sucks
it sucks to hear as your lungs cave in & you exhale deep breathes, and try your best not to make an ugly face
Gosh your such a girl..
I hate the way you say things silently as you cry and I can't hear.
It makes me so mad, because these are the moments I value the most
These are moments that make or break me


I love you
I love you so much
and not like I love you it hurts,
Like I love you so much that it takes time and energy to say it,
like I think about the reasons why I love you each time before I say it
my chest craves in, and my lungs fight for air, and my lips form the words
so perfectly that it lingers in the air, and I exhale the breathes I held to let you know
How much I truly truly love you
love you....

Us...

The fact that we're not together anymore is really weird to me, its not necessarily weird but its really crazy. Not only do I feel insane and like I'm going out of my mind I also feel you going out of your mind
I can hear you screaming the minute you walk through the door and look at me,
I can hear you every time you get in bed, and I'm not here to climb into it with you.
I hear it every time you attempt to sleep,

I'm really sorry, I can tell you how sorry or am.
for all that I've done to you
for the fact that I ripped the carpet from right under you feet,
the fact that I took away everything you loved and cared about,
that I crashed your world
I'm really sorry...
although it'll never be enough I continue to say it
In hopes that one day it'll be enough
and you'll forgive me for what I've done.


Try not to forget that I loved you,
More than anyone and everything else in this world
My love for you wasn't surface,
it was deep
it was rooted,
I spend time in perfecting it
and over analyzing it
and imperfection it
because I love you
I love you so much

I'm here if you ever need someone
someone to scream at
someone to listen
someone to be upset with
someone to blame
someone to laugh with
someone to hold you as you cry

I'm sorry...
for everything
for hurting you
for everything I've done wrong
everything that you asked me not to do.